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A Very Supernatural Christmas: Part One

I'm SO late. But, um...yeah, I have no excuse. I'm a lazyass. But, here is what will happen. I have six *counts* four more days left without school or homework. So hopefully over these four days I will get my ass in gear and give you Wendigo and Dead in the Water as well. It'll be a crash course, and hopefully I'll come out on the other side knowing how to do these things a whole lot better. I've already learned a lot already, such as: Write these things as you go along. That way, ideas can stay with you! However, I did not know that for the first half of tonight's proceedings, so we shall see where that goes. I hope you enjoy.


A Very Supernatural Christmas: Part One

I couldn't find a screencap of the "Special" thing, but to me that doesn't really matter much, because I never watched those specials. Really. It's not even because I'm Jewish, it's because I just never watched TV during this time of year.

We open up in a nice, well-lit house full of warmth.
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So we know we're going to get buckets of blood pretty soon.

It's one year ago, and Richie Rich is opening the door for his Dear Old Grandpa...who kind of looks like his uncle? He doesn't really look old enought to be a grandpa to me, but LOL mine is ninety-four so maybe I'm biased.
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My question is, where are the parents? When has the kid ever answered the door to meet a relative without their parents standing right behind? This is what I call a Cold Greeting.

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Now you know shit is going down.

Richie Rich wants presents, because that's what the holiday is ALLL about.
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I don't blame the kid for wanting presents, but it's the first thing he asks. I always wanted to know about my presents, but I didn't ask outright now, did I? I waited until at least the relative had a drink in their hand. This is what you call "respect".
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This kid has none whatsoever. But it's okay, because he's about to get traumatized for life in a couple of minutes.
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"Where's my scotch?"

So later that night, "Santa" gets prepared to give an heart-lifting performance for the Grandson Without Tact.
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He rings the bell, just because the idiot grandson wouldn't realize anything is happening if he wasn't beckoned like a dog.

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And down comes the grandson on the staircase. How old is he? Because he looks eight-ish, but he really acts like he's six. Do kids believe in Santa when they're eight? I really have no idea, I don't think I ever believed in Santa...I'm not a cold-hearted cynic, I swear.
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Out come the Bag O'Presents, and this is where I would have lost most of my rationale. Actually seeing the presents sent me in a tizzy. My parents never dressed up as Santa or anything, the gifts were just *there* in the morning, but it has now become a tradition for everyone to stay up late on Christmas Eve and wrap presents (yes, I'm still Jewish). I'm really wondering if this dressing-up happened in other families? Where do all these costumes come from?
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Accordingly, the kid lights up with glee.
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And then...there's a sound.
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Dear Old Grandpa, being the most likely to die sooner than the others in the family, goes to investigate. And all Richie Rich does is watch from the balcony (this whole episode if full of idiotic children).
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Kinda unnecessary ass shot, but I included it anyway.
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And then GRAAWWWWR! Grandpa got sucked up into the chimney! I'm pretty sure that's the sequel to "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer".
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He really doesn't look that worried, does he? Like, he looks worried, but it's more like he just hit a baseball through Mr. Wilson's window again.

That's all that's left of Dear Old Grandpa.
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~*~Special Credits~*~
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I'm kinda upset that I couldn't get any exploding ornament screencaps. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT, SCREENCAP PLACE? But, really, I'm grateful to them, or else I'd never get any of this done.

We're back in present day, and open up on a disgruntled teenage girl. She has no significance to this plot whatsoever.
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Dean is asking a bunch of questions to the Recently Widowed Wife of the week about the husband who took a trip up the chimney. Sam comes back from poking around the house, and I immediately lose whatever concentration I once had.
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He's pawing at his collar. He's too adorable for words.

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Widowed Mother is not pleased that her Alone Time with Dean was interrupted.

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They've GOT to stop being so hot.

Oh, by the way, they're currently in Michigan. In the middle of winter. Think about that.
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WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SNOW?

Sam is as worried as I am.
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LOL REINDEER.
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I freakin' love the Props Department. Throughout this entire episode actually. They're ~*~amazing~*~.

Sam found a tooth in the chimney, which..where's the soot on his..suit? And like, he got down on his hands and knees and poked around a small space? Why didn't we get to see that instead of the Whiny Mother Routine?
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OKAY OKAY OKAY, REASON NUMBER TWO I LOVE THE PROPS DEPARTMENT.
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They're FANTASTIC, okay? Just, like, the pictures look awesome, and I really like the one that reminds of a schoolboy but instead is a red demon? It's just fantastic.

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This one in the middle looks hella sexual. He's totally an S&M master.

REASON NUMBER THREE I LOVE THE PROPS DEPARTMENT. LOOK AT THE WALLPAPER. LOOK AT IT. THIS IS THE "KINCAID SUITE", YOU GUYS. Picture Google him, it's so worth it.
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LOL, his hand.
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In reality, Sam actually made a Dick Van Dyke reference (I LOVE HIM! Sam, I mean. But I love Dick Van Dyke too. Which is why I like Sam for making the reference...shutting up now), which Dean totally doesn't get. What went wrong with his childhood? Oh right, Fiery Ma's of Death.

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Sam's theory is thusly....wait a sec, can we just look at that face for a minute?

Dean enjoys looking at that face as well.
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Dean reveals that there have actually been two killings involving disappearing family members and mysterious thumps on roofs.

This picture needs and deserves no words.
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And then comes the infamous couch-arm scene, which is pretty much now the SPN version of "Fill in the Blank".
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"This is my invisible girlfriend, Lisa."
"Dean, my arm is waiting for you."
"Holy fuck, my hands are ginormus!"

Wait..that last one was me...

Sam then reveals his theory that the killer is the Anti-Clause. Santa's brother who went rouge, and now kills people he believes are bad. It's good to know that even if Sam goes crazy, he's still really damn cute.Of course, Dean immediately thinks that Sam is crazy, because if Anti-Clause exists, then Santa Clause exists, and we all know that's not possible.
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Really good composition. Because I notice stuff like that.
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Deaniebaby: There is no Santa!
Samsicle: Yeah, I know, you're the one who told me that, remember?

DUN DUN DUN. This pretty much sets up a good 60% of the episode.

At that, Dean caves in, and starts considering the ~*~possibilties~*~.
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They wonder where they would find such a creature.
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AOWIJEFO;AWJEFO;ASJDFOJAWEOIFW DO YOU SEE THAT FACE? DO YOU SEE IT? THAT IS ART AT ITS FINEST, MY FRIEND. PROPS. MAD MAD PROPS FOR THE PROPS DEPARTMENT. (You see what I did there??)

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I could have just told you that we were at Santa's Village, but then you wouldn't have seen the depressed reindeer, now would you?

And then there were asses.
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And God saw that it was yummy.

Dean wants to celebrate Christmas *properly* this year.
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Sam calls bullshit.

I don't blame Sam, but I don't blame Dean either. I knew right away why Dean wanted to celebrate Christmas, and man, wouldn't you?

The FACES these guys make. Priceless.
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I thought this scene was perfectly framed by the reindeer antlers.
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Sam goes off into a dreamy daze...
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HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT? IT'S A CROSS-EYED REINDEER. LOLOL.
But really, I shouldn't make fun, because what if one night Santa wants to see into the third dimension? There would be Optic to save the day! Santa probably shouldn't let Optic lead though, 'cause chances are he'd get a major DUI charge.

The Deformed-but-Lovable Optic is our segue into the past.
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I never watched these shows. Seriously. I was too old for them when I was five. I couldn't stand the animation, didn't comprehend the stories and I felt like they were majorly condescending to children. Perhaps I was a bitchy child, but if Sam is supposed to be a little genius, I'm not sure why he's putting up with this crap on TV either. LOLOL I'm probably pissing off a lot of people, aren't I? I'm sorry. I totally understand the nostalgic value, I do.

Little Sammy EmoBangs is wrapping a present up in newspaper.
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Deanster: What's that for?
Little Sammy EmoBangs: It's a preeeeeesent.
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Deanster: For who?
Little Sammy EmoBangs: For Dad.
Deanster: Where'd you get the money?
Little Sammy EmoBangs: I robbed a bank, where do you think I got it? Uncle Bobby (!!!!!!) gave it to me.

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Even at the tender age of eight, Sam has already mastered the Pouty Lip effect.

Little Sammy EmoBangs: Dad's going to be here, right?
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Deanster: Of..of course.
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Little Sammy EmoBangs: Are you lying to me?
Deanster: Why would I lie? I promise Dad will be here.

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Little Sammy EmoBangs: You're such a fucking liar. You suck at it too.
Deanster: Shuddup.
Little Sammy EmoBangs: Furthermore, what the hell does our Dad do all the time anyway?

Okay, okay, I have been making this entire conversation up (can you tell?) but this is 100% from the show.
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Little Sammy EmoBangs: Why do we keep moving?
Deanster: *sighs* Because everywhere we go, they get sick your face.

Classic.

Little Sammy Emobangs: You can tell me the truth.
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Deanster: Just stop asking.
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Little Sammy Emobangs: Is this why we never talk about mom?

And then Deanster just BLOWS UP in his face and completely freaks out.
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A bit over-dramatic. Despite circumstances, I still totally don't believe that brothers are like this. Although I'm a girl, so I dunno. It just seemed a little ~*~overdone~*~ to me.

So Deanster storms out on Christmas Eve, leaving Little Sammy EmoBangs all on his lonesome.
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Back to the Present.

Dean finally mentions the lack of snow, but Sam doesn't listen because he's off in La-La Land. Which is actually Depressed Emotionally-Scarring Childhood Land, but you know, whatever.
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LOL antlers.
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Sam describes how lore depicts the Anti-Clause as having a limp and smelling like candy. Dean points out that it's like they're looking for a pimp.
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No, Dean, I think you're looking for something more like a wooden-legged whore.

I have no idea where that came from or how that's relevant.

They're standing right in front of what they're looking for.
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Do you see how it says "Nearly" North Pole?? Do you see that? I love them.

Sam and Dean observe as kids approach "Santa".
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BTW, if you're the Anti-Clause...WHY would you pose as the real Santa? Isn't that just a little bit...twisted? But LOL whatever.

He's wearing a clearly fake beard under his normal beard.
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I'm a little prompted to call him Malcom McDowell, but I don't know why.

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STOP making these faces. Just STOP.

And up comes an elf, asking to escort their child to Santa.
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Dean goes ahead and says that it's Sam who wants to sit on Santa's lap.

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Sam makes the mistake of trying to correct Dean's joke, and inadvertantly reveals that they're there to watch the small children.

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"WTF?"
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I think I love this actress.

Dean: Crack job, Sam.
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Just STOP.

Insted of immediately alerting the authorities, or kicking the kiddie perves out, all the elf does is make a face and walk away.
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Way to endanger the lives of all the little kids in Santaland.

HEE!
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Gotta love the bitchface.

And then Santa walks past them.
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With a limp.
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And Dean swears that he smelled like candy. Although Sam immediately states that it was Ripples. Which..have any college stories for me, Sam?
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Comments

spillindabeans
Jan. 19th, 2008 06:48 am (UTC)
Everyone appreciates a good Dennis the Menace joke, right?

Dean's faces are amazing. Like, I prefer the bitchface, of course, but Dean is pretty damn funny.

IDK WHAT HAPPENED, I THOUGHT IT WAS SHORT, ALRIGHT?

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LMAO
spillindabeans
spillindabeans

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